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Health & Fitness

Brain Injury Turns Ordinary Man Into Math Genius

Brain Injury Turns Ordinary Man Into Math Genius:  After being viciously attacked by two men outside a karaoke bar leaving him with a severe concussion and PTSD, Jason Padgett suddenly developed into a mathematical genius who sees the world through the lens of geometry.  I knew that “knockout game” that everyone’s always fretting about was really good for the country.  This also explains why the “Three Stooges” were so damn good at math.  In related news, a court has ruled that his attackers are entitled to 50% of any of his math-related earnings.

Turkish Man Seeks New Lover on TV Show After Killing Two Others:  A man who appeared on Turkish television dating show "Luck of the Draw" in search of a new partner shocked the audience by revealing he had murdered his former wife as well as a former lover when he “accidentally" swung an axe in her direction.  Wow, this guy seems like a real “lady killer.”  That said, isn’t it about time to bury the hatchet?  Everybody deserves a second chance - it’s not like this guy has an axe to grind.

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Karl Rove Suggests Hillary Clinton Suffered Brain Damage:  Karl Rove is suggesting that the glasses former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton wore for a short period of time after her concussion from a fall she took in 2012 indicate that she suffered a “traumatic brain injury.”  First of all, congratulations to Karl Rove on being appointed Fox News Neurologist.  Guess that accounts for why “Bush's Brain” is now so concerned about Hillary’s brain.  But he does bring up a very good point though - the unlikelihood of a women in her 60’s wearing glasses.  I don’t think anyone’s ever seen that before. 

Tucker Carlson Says Only the Poor Are Fat:  Tucker Carlson recently claimed on Fox News that obesity is only a problem for poor people and added that “you don’t find a fat person in rich neighborhoods.”  Gee, who could have guessed Chris Christie and Rush Limbaugh live in a poor neighborhoods?

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Japan Building the World’s Fastest Elevators:  Over the past few decades, the Japanese have become renowned for engineering some of the world’s fastest elevators, with four of the eight fastest elevators being developed by Japanese manufacturers.  Analysts say the market for high-speed elevators is expected to “climb very rapidly” over the next decade and now is the time to get in on this “ground-floor” opportunity. 

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Laser Turns Brown Eyes Blue:  A Los Angeles doctor says he is developing a laser procedure that strips away the brown pigment on the surface of the iris, leaving the patient with blue eyes.  And a huge doctor bill.  Who knew that Crystal Gayle’s song “Don’t It Make My Brown Eyes Blue” was about a laser procedure?

Boy Scouts Rescue Ann Curry:  A group of boy scouts rescued journalist Ann Curry after she had broken her ankle while hiking on a trail in New Jersey.  Ann Curry thanked all the scouts, adding that she felt extremely lucky that it was them and not Matt Lauer who found her.  On a sad note, the scouts were unable to do anything to rescue her fading career.

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